Autumn Sun
by o Mischief Managed
Summary: OneShot. First in EQUINOX series. "A light so annoyingly persistent it shines until every last shadow is illuminated. Even my own darkness couldn't stand up to him."


Heyyyyy! Haha, they changed the layout of the user pages here on ff-net since the last time I actually posted a story... Is that sad...?

Anyway, this is the first in a 4-story one-shot series for KHR that I FINALLY FINISHED WRITING! Each can also technically stand alone, which is why I'm posting them separate, but they're much better if you read them in order :D The idea behind these goes along with how I like to play with characters' relationships with each other, and of course the heavy use of metaphors! :D haha. My focus is on **two main pairings, with one story for each of the four characters.** :D

Just in case, here's how it goes:  
>FIRST: Autumn Sun<br>SECOND: Winter Moon  
>THIRD: Spring Star<br>FOURTH: Summer Sky

Here are the common themes (which I will paste before each story) *ahem*

TTTTT

**EACH IS FROM A DIFFERENT PERSON'S POV.** Yes, they all go together. But you're in someone else's head each time, yeah? :D

**ALL FOUR ARE SET ABOUT TEN YEARS IN THE FUTURE FROM THE PRESENT TIME. MOST OF THE GANG ARE 25. **I think they all say vaguely at some point specifics about the timing, but you'll see.

**THESE STORIES ARE TOLD MOSTLY THROUGH FLASHBACK. ALL FLASHBACK SCENES WILL BE IN _ITALICS. _**There's some stuff that happens real-time, and the flashbacks take place at various times over the years between the current manga and the setting of this series. SO: If you see a bunch of text in italics, IT'S FLASHBACK, okay? Italics=Flashback, Normal=Real time.

**ALL 4 ARE SONGFICS. THE LYRICS WILL BE PRINTED IN _BOLD ITALICS_ THROUGHOUT THE STORY.** Self-explanatory :D

TTTTT

SONG FOR THIS STORY: **Only Hope** by **Secondhand Serenade**

Kay, here goes! Enjoy! (Do I even need to point out I don't own KHR? If I did, these wouldn't be fanfiction. They'd be canon. Oh, and we would've found out the secret of the Arcobaleno by now, but I'm not gonna get into that :P haha)

* * *

><p><em>CRASH!<em>

"Hana! Are you okay?"

I look up and blink a few times, the sudden sound having broken me out of an enchanted reverie. I realize rather quickly afterward that I must have dropped the porcelain plate I'd been drying and it's shattered across the kitchen floor.

"Oh, yeah," I answer absently, shaking my head. "I'm fine. Sorry, I guess I just… wasn't paying attention to what I was doing." There's a small cut on my calf where a piece of broken plate had gone whizzing by, but otherwise I'm decidedly unharmed. Moreover, I'm starting to feel kind of stupid for dropping the thing in the first place.

Haru sets down the handful of silverware she'd been washing and dries her hands, before strolling over to inspect the shallow wound. "You've looked really distracted all night. Is something bothering you?"

_**My beating heart is getting tired  
>Tonight it feels like it's on fire<br>And I'm driving all alone, my hand is on my phone**_

"No, well…" I can't really think of what to say, to be honest. "I'm sorry," I repeat instead. "I think I'm just tired."

Haru smiles, standing and putting her hands on my shoulders, her warm brown eyes staring softly into mine. "Don't worry. Why don't you go and get cleaned up? Take a bath, maybe. I'll finish these dishes."

I'm sure the gratefulness is clear on my face. "Are you sure?" She nods, guiding me gently to the door. "Thanks."

"And Hana?" she goes on once I'm outside the doorway. "Don't worry so much. I'm sure they'll be back soon." And with a bright grin, she closes the kitchen door.

So she knows what's been worrying me after all. Typical Haru.

And that's it, of course. Sawada and his guardians left for a job almost a month ago and had yet to return. It wasn't too far away; they're only about thirty miles from Namimori, having a series of meetings with a family who, as Reborn had put it, could be "a strong ally or a dangerous enemy," making this mission an important one. Normally, I wouldn't have thought much of it. But this time I can't help but worry, because no mail has come for me this week.

_**Waiting for you to call me  
>Please pick up the phone and call me<strong>_

Every time they go away for longer than a week, he writes me. Every Friday. Just to tell me how things are going and to let me know that he's okay. He knows that I'd be angry with him on their return if he doesn't keep me updated. But today is Sunday, and his letter hasn't arrived. I've told myself it's the fault of the postal service, or he's simply been too busy to write. Years ago, I never used to be one to feel worry or fear. I guess that's just another thing he's changed about me.

After walking down the long hallway, I finally reach the door to the foyer and pull it open in a kind of numb trance. I've spent so much time in the Vongola mansion over the years that its splendor has been somewhat dulled to my senses. All friends and family of the Vongola are permitted to stay here whenever we wish, there's plenty of room for all of us. Sawada had it built right in Namimori about three years ago, so that everyone he loves could have a place to stay together. In my opinion, it's always been one of his better ideas. Staying here with people like Haru while they're all on dangerous jobs somehow makes waiting easier.

_**Cause I'm lonely and my mind is aching  
>Can't you see I'm for the taking<strong>_

As I climb the grand staircase toward the east wing of the mansion, where my room is located, I can't help but wonder why no one else is showing any signs of worry. After all, I'm not the only one whose fiancé is away on this trip. So why is Haru so seemingly calm? Does that mean her trust for Sawada outweighs mine for Ryohei? Does she know something I don't? Though, to be fair, it could be because no one else knows about the letters, or lack thereof in the case of this week. To Haru, it's probably no different from any other trip her fiancé and his guardians have been on. Maybe if Kyoko was here, she'd be worried like I am. He _is _her brother, after all. But ever since she moved to America with her boyfriend to study medicine, I haven't spoken with her much. Apparently, I'm on my own.

_**You are my only hope, but you're so far  
>And you are my only hope, so come back home<br>From where you are**_

Before long I get back to my room, where I take a quick bath and bandage my small cut, trying not to let my mind wander back to its worries and fears. As a dab my hair dry with a warm towel, I absently stroll out onto the balcony and lean against the rail, gazing at the brilliant, orange sun now beginning to dip below the horizon.

I know it's cheesy to say aloud, or even think in a complete sentence, but the sun always makes me think of him. Its brilliance, its light, its warmth, everything. Looking at it, I can almost feel my worry start to ebb away and my mind instead fill with happy memories of times when the sun was just the same as right now, times when I was with him, without a worry in the world.

One memory I always find myself thinking of happened roughly eight years ago, when I was seventeen. Kyoko had gotten into a minor car accident, and like always, Ryohei was blaming himself and trying to make things better.

_**I see your face on everyone  
>Like the constant beating of the sun<br>Right on my skin, I'm suffering without you**_

"_I knew I'd find you up here."_

_He didn't look at me. "How did I let this happen?"_

'_There he goes again…' I thought, rolling my eyes. Sometimes Kyoko's brother could be so immature, thinking everything that ever happened to her was his fault. If she failed a test, for example. 'I should've taught her the material to the extreme!' he'd say. This time, I chose to decline the invitation to his self-pity party. "The doctor finished his examination. She's got two broken ribs, a sprained arm, a fractured shoulder, and a very minor concussion. Overall though, she's gonna be just fine. She just needs to spend a week or so in bed and then she'll be back on her feet, good as new."_

"_That's good," he answered half-heartedly, still gazing seriously at the twilight sun over the railing on the hospital roof on which we stood._

_I shook my head. It was weird seeing him this quiet and serious. I'd spent a lot of time around Ryohei in the past, what with Kyoko having been my best friend since elementary school, and he was almost always shouting something and running around God-knows-where. It was vaguely annoying, to be honest. But he was like family, so I put up with it. But this serious side of him was a bit different from what I was used to._

"_Okay, what's wrong?" I ventured, strolling across the roof and resting my arms on the railing beside him._

"_She told me last week my brakes were acting up. I was supposed to get them fixed, but… I never got around to it. This morning, she took my car instead of Dad's. I shouldn't have let her."_

"_So it really was your fault…" I said without thinking. He let out a strange choking sound and dropped his head onto his arms. "I'm sorry!" I apologized quickly, realizing too late what a stupid thing that was to say. "I didn't mean it that way. It was just… really bad luck. You had no way of knowing it would happen."_

"_Kurokawa… You don't think… she'll be angry with me, do you?" He finally looked at me for the first time that day. His eyebrows were scrunched together in an intense frown, the deep orange sun reflecting in his warm gray eyes. The seriousness of his gaze caught me slightly off guard._

"_N-No… Of course she won't be angry with you," I answered, regaining my verbal bearings. "If anything, she'll be angry with herself for not being more careful. Don't worry." I smiled, trying to show some encouragement, which wasn't something I normally did, mind you. Especially for my best friend's older brother._

"_You think so?" He seemed skeptical, I could tell. It seemed he had all but convinced himself Kyoko would never speak to him again after this incident._

"_I know so," I answered confidently. He studied me for a few seconds, during which for some reason I couldn't help but feel extremely self-conscious. What was he looking for, anyway?_

_After a beat of silence, his face relaxed into a tired smile. "Thanks," he offered quietly, before turning to look once more at the setting sun. "It's really nice, you know? The sunset."_

"_Yeah…" I agreed absently. I guess with Ryohei busy with his coming graduation, I hadn't seen him around much lately. Now, he seemed so much older than he used to be. Sure, he'd always been only a year older than I was, but before, I'd always thought of him as immature. This Ryohei was different, though. Apparently, the loud, obnoxious one I was used to wasn't his only face. And for some reason, it caught me very much off guard._

"_Hey… Thanks for sort of, talking me down," he said after a minute. "I know we're not like, best friends or anything. It was… real nice of you, is all."_

"_Well, we've known each other forever," I answered after being winded once again by his surprising words. "We may not be great friends, but we're practically family." I leaned over and gave him a playful shove in the arm._

_He chuckled. "I'm glad Kyoko has a friend like you."_

_I smiled and as he turned to face me, grin in place and golden sunlight dancing across his skin, I realized with a slight jolt how close I was to him. He seemed to receive the same minor shock, because his grin faltered a twinge as his eyes met mine. The thought to take a step back crossed my mind, but I hesitated. For some stupid reason, all I could think about at that moment was how serious he was, how much he'd seemingly grown, that hidden maturity he'd been concealing for who knew how long. I was vaguely aware of the space of twilight air between us getting thinner and thinner, but my racing brain was doing a very good job of distracting me from everything but his stormy eyes, now centimeters away. Before I knew it, the space was gone, my eyes had closed, and I could feel the alien warmth of his lips against mine._

_Instantly my mind was clear of the million thoughts I'd experienced seconds before. What was happening? Well, that was easy. He was kissing me. _I _was kissing _him_. Why? No idea. Who'd started it? Couldn't tell you. Right then, all I knew was that I didn't know anything. But strangely enough, and to my immense surprise, I didn't pull away. I didn't want it to stop. It felt strange, new, wrong, but somehow… right. I didn't want to admit it, even to myself, but I didn't altogether hate the feeling._

_It seemed like forever, but it must have been only a few seconds before the sudden euphoria came to an abrupt halt when he jerked his head away from me, breathing rather fast. The contact broken, a million other thoughts decided to choose that moment to cram themselves into my head, overloading my brain. 'What just happened?' 'Did I do that?' 'Why couldn't I stop?' 'Did I like it?' 'What does this mean?' 'What's he thinking now?' 'Should I try and say something?'_

"_Uh…" he finally began unintelligibly, which was more than I could say at any rate. "I'm… sorry… I…"_

_I suddenly became aware of how hot my face was and realized I was probably red as a tomato. I couldn't bring myself to look Ryohei in the eye, though I could hear the confusion in his voice telling me he'd been about as surprised by what just happened as I had. "N-No!" I choked out, my voice sounding annoyingly and embarrassingly squeaky. "I…" What did I want to say? If there was something, I'd forgotten it. Instead I cleared my throat and said awkwardly before I could stop myself, "I have to go."_

"_Right," he replied, sounding like he wasn't listening. But he wasn't the only one, because I'd already started striding briskly for the door before the word had entered the air._

"_**It's Out of Reach" on my stereo  
><strong>__**Is starting to sound real close to home  
>And I can't bear to sleep here without you<strong>_

That was, I remember almost fondly now, probably the time in my life when I'd been least sure of myself. Never before, and never since, had I been so completely caught off guard and knocked off my feet. Was that a bad thing? I don't think so. After all, look what came of it. It's funny, I think sometimes, how you can know someone for years and never realize what they mean to you. I mean, I've always had a thing for older guys, but somehow I'd never seen my best friend's brother as one of them. Maybe that's why I was so confused after that first kiss.

"_Kyoko… Can I talk to you about something? As a friend?"_

_Kyoko paused in setting her bag at the foot of her bed and sat down. It had been four days since her accident and she'd just been released from the hospital, though with instructions to continue to take it easy for a while. "Is it about a boy?" she asked simply._

"_How'd you guess?" I wondered. It wasn't that obvious, was it?_

_Kyoko shook her head. "I missed so much while I was hospitalized! I'm never getting in a car wreck again." I laughed a little at her attempt to lighten the mood. I told her about what happened, not mentioning any names. She listened attentively before saying, "So. This boy. Do you like him?" She didn't ask who the guy was. I was inwardly grateful for her trust in that matter. After all, I wasn't sure how she'd react if I told her the truth._

"_I don't know…" I answered honestly. "I used to think he was so immature, but lately…" Lately what? I was having an awfully hard time putting my thoughts into words. "I guess I've seen how strong he can be. And maybe I do… you know…"_

_Kyoko smiled. "Then you should tell him." I glared at her. "No, really! Look, maybe he doesn't feel the same way, but it's better than not knowing, right? Besides, if he kissed you back, chances are he's probably thinking the same things you are right now."_

_After a second, I sighed in defeat. "I guess you're right. I'll think about talking to him."_

_She raised an eyebrow. "'Think about'?" I smiled wryly and she laughed, and a big part of me was suddenly glad I decided to talk with her._

Not long after that, I remember, I'd decided to find Ryohei and talk to him. We'd been avoiding each other over those few days, naturally, and to make things harder I had no idea what I wanted to say. Was he as confused as I was? Was the whole thing a mistake? I laugh to myself, remembering what had happened later that evening.

_Ryohei was away from home all day that day. I ate dinner with Kyoko, then decided it was time I get to the bottom of things. She wished me luck when I left, not knowing who it was I was looking for or what I was going to tell him._

_The only other place I could think to look for the boxing nut would be the high school gym, which I knew was a popular after-school and weekend hangout of his. When I opened the gym door and found it empty, I was momentarily at a loss for where to go next, until I saw the locker room door open and light streaming out from inside. Quietly I crept over and peered through the door. Sure enough, there was Ryohei, wearing only a pair of baggy boxing shorts and thick, leather gloves, relentlessly attacking a beat-up punching bag hanging from the ceiling. His face was screwed up in concentration, and every muscle in his arms and torso was flexed impressively. The force of his blows was so strong that I was amazed the punching bag hadn't flown off its hinge yet. For a second I stood there in silence, wanting to interrupt but at the same time enjoying just watching him, completely in his element, doing what he loved. I was shaken out of my reverie, however, when he let out a loud growl into the air._

"_ARGH! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?" The volume of his voice made me jump as he suddenly stopped swinging his fists and slumped to his knees, head hanging low. I wondered briefly if he meant what I thought he might have, before knocking twice on the doorframe to announce my presence._

_He jumped so badly it looked as though he'd received an electric shock. "Kurokawa!" he stuttered in surprise, scrambling to his feet. "How long have you been there?"_

"_Since just now," I lied, trying to look calmer than I felt._

"_W-What are you doing here?" He took off the gloves and placed them on the bench by the lockers, running a hand through his hair._

"_I was… just passing through," I lied again. Why was I lying? Was I nervous? Well, that much was obvious. But it didn't take me long to realize that giving in to nervousness wasn't going to get me anywhere. If I wanted answers, I had to seek them out myself. "No," I corrected myself. "I was looking for you."_

_He looked at me, uncertainty in his eyes. "Me?"_

"_I know we've been avoiding each other lately." I decided to leave out 'since that kiss'. "Do you wanna just… talk?"_

"…_Sure," he answered after a beat. "Just let me get dressed, okay?"_

_I nodded. "I'll meet you by the pool," I suggested. Without another word, I allowed my feet to lead me numbly to the randomly appointed meeting ground._

_As I waited by the school swimming pool, I removed my shoes and rested my legs in the cool water. The setting, twilight sun was reflecting across the still surface, which broke and rippled at the unexpected disturbance. I swung my legs back and forth, watching as the tiny waves spread across the entire pool, covering it from end to end with dancing, golden light._

_I'd said I wanted to talk. But what would we talk about? He would probably expect me to talk first. But could I? What would I say? When I planned it out in my head, I never got past the part of just telling him we needed to discuss what had happened. But now that I was beyond that, what was next?_

"_So what'd you want to talk about?"_

_Now it was my turn to jump in surprise. Ryohei had come out from the gym, having changed into a sleeveless shirt and a pair of track pants. Sweat was gleaming on his shoulders and arms, rays of sunlight clinging to the dampness on his skin and almost making him glow. I tried not to let it distract me._

_In answer to his unnecessary question, I gave him a pointed look. "Right," he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. I looked out at the sunset as he came and silently sat down beside me at the edge of the pool._

_I took a deep breath. "I don't know how I feel," I said finally. It may have seemed like I was rushing right into things, but it was the truth, and I just wanted to put it out there._

_To my slight surprise, he chuckled. "You're not the only one," he replied sardonically, eliciting a small laugh from me in return. This was surprisingly easier than I'd expected._

"_What happened the other day," I went on with newfound strength, "it caught me off guard. It… scared me."_

"_I'm sorry," he offered, shaking his head. "It was my—"_

"_Don't do that," I cut him off, knowing what he'd been about to say. "You blame yourself for everything, you know?"_

_We were both silent for probably a whole minute, not sure what to say next. So I decided to take a stab at it and say what's been on my mind._

"_Don't you think maybe… it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't meant to?"_

_He frowned, screwing his face up in thought. I hated myself for thinking it, but it was kind of cute. "What do you mean?"_

"_I mean…" I was thinking hard for a way to put this into words. "If there was no… attraction… between us?"_

_His expression changed slightly, to one of mild surprise. "You think… there might be?"_

_I shrugged, looking away from him and continuing to swing my legs in the chilled water. "Maybe."_

"_Want to try again?"_

_I looked up sharply, not sure if I was understanding what he was implying. "Again? You mean…" I turned to look at him, once again finding his eyes very close to mine. This sensation wasn't one I was getting accustomed to, and once again I felt my body freeze up and start to go numb. I studied his face, but soon found his expression impossible to read. I felt myself involuntarily moving closer to him, just like last time, almost like I was caught in some sort of magnetic field._

_Just when there was barely an inch of space between our noses, I finally was able to shake myself into submission. I jerked backward a bit, pushing my arms out in front of me and shoving him to the side with all my might. I just caught the look of intense surprise on his face as he slid helplessly off the edge of the cement and fell, limbs flailing, right into the pool with a spectacular splash._

_I burst out laughing as he fought to stand up in the waste-high water, shaking his head and coughing violently. "Hey!" he shouted when he found his voice, feigning dejectedness and shaking the loose water from his hair. I tried to apologize, but found it difficult over the fit of giggles I was trapped in. Instead he grinned evilly and strode toward me._

"_W-What are you—?" was all I could muster before he grabbed my legs and pulled me straight in after him, drowning out my laughter instantly. I was able to land on my feet with minimal stumbling, thankfully only sliding chest-deep for a moment. When I stood up straight and cringed at the cold, it was his turn to laugh hysterically and mine to put on a fake glare. I moved toward him and sent as big a wave as I could muster with my hands straight for him, cutting off his laughter and drenching him from the neck down. I leaned over in a fit of giggles as he shook his head, still grinning._

_I was about to suggest we go dry off when I felt a strong hand grip my upper arm and pull me forward. Next thing I knew, I was leaning into his soaked shirt, kissing him once again._

_This time the contact lasted longer than the first, giving me time to really take it in. The sound of his breathing, the smell of his hair, the feel of his muscles, the taste of chlorine in his mouth, everything hit me at once, attacking all of my senses without relent. It was like walking out of an air-conditioned house on the hottest day of summer and feeling the sun hot on your skin, so warm you get chills and so sudden you feel breathless. It wasn't like the first time, when the shock of it all had numbed my body. This time, my senses were alive, on fire even. This time, I knew exactly how I felt._

_This time, I liked it._

_A minute or so later we slowly backed away from each other. I stared into his eyes, wide and serious, an expression I was sure my own face mirrored._

"_Extreme attraction…?" he asked, a hint of mirth behind his voice._

"_Yeah," I answered breathlessly, before snaking my hand behind his neck and pulling his head back down to my level, forcing his mouth against mine._

_**You are my only hope, but you're so far  
>And you are my only hope, so come back home<br>From where you are**_

I'll always remember how shocked everyone was when they found out about Ryohei and me. Especially Kyoko. She wasn't angry or anything, just surprised. It was funny, actually. She couldn't believe the 'guy' she'd talked me into getting with had been her brother all along. She was happy for us though, as were all our friends.

Not long after that, he told me the truth about his mafia life. I almost didn't believe him at first; it all seemed so unreal. But he had so many people to back up his story, Kyoko included, that I had to accept it. I was shocked, to say the least, but before long it became… Well, not exactly 'normal,' but 'regular' maybe. It's only difficult during his long absences, the times that have taught me how to really worry about someone.

_**Just come back home  
>From where you are<strong>_

I stride back inside and over to the dresser beside my bed, the top drawer of which houses every letter Ryohei has ever written me. I pull them out and sit down on the mattress, opening up the most recent one, which had arrived the Friday before last. A little over a month ago, he'd finally asked me to marry him. Of course I'd agreed, to no one's surprise after eight years together. In fact, at the time I'd been so happy that I was almost glad to hear of the job they were soon after requested to take on. It would mean a little time apart, and hopefully an opportunity to relax a bit about the idea of a wedding. The only problem was that I hadn't expected to miss him and worry about him quite this much.

I set the letters down on the comforter beside me and step back outside for one last look at the setting sun. As it drops slowly below the horizon, a cold chill sweeps through the now-dark evening air. An involuntary shiver creeps across my skin and I pull my bathrobe tighter around myself in an effort to preserve the last remaining warmth it had gathered from the rays of the dying sun. I can't help but feel a pang of fear. For a brief instant I'd just had the odd feeling that he was growing farther away from me, hiding below the trees like the sun. Telling myself it was only my imagination, I head back inside, closing and locking the windowed balcony doors behind me.

_**Just come back home**_

I'm about to lie down to bed when I hear distant shouting from outside in the hall. Curious, I hurry over to the bedroom door and pull it open, peering around the door frame for the source of the noise. Footsteps—many of them—are rapidly approaching down the hall to my left, from the direction of the mansion entrance. I barely have time to wonder as to who it could be before a large group of people appear from around the corner.

Leading the group is Yamamoto, a steely expression on his face. Dokuro is following close to his right. She keeps glancing over her shoulder every few seconds at the next group in line, which consists of Lambo and Hibari supporting Sawada between them. All of them look a good deal worse for wear, with dust and dirt staining their clothes and various bruises on their visible skin. I don't even have time to get over the shock of seeing them so suddenly when another, more unpleasant surprise becomes clear: Sawada is unconscious and bleeding heavily from a golf-ball-sized hole in the side of his stomach. Blood has already stained his shirt, jacket, and most of his left leg down to the knee. It isn't a pleasant sight.

Bringing up the rear is Gokudera, who's staring at his boss's back with an expression of extreme fear and concern. Just before they reach me, a door a bit farther up the hall from mine opens and Haru steps out, looking just as curious as I'd been. It doesn't take her long to notice what's going on.

Her strangled gasp combined with the horrified look on her face is heart-breaking. She runs out to meet them in a flash, Yamamoto grabbing her arm to stall her on the way.

"You can't," he says sternly, holding her back. "We have to get him to the medical wing."

"B-But—" Haru chokes out, still staring at her unconscious fiancé with terror in her eyes.

"You can come if you want," Yamamoto concedes, his voice gentler. "But we've got to hurry." Haru nods and the march continues.

By this time I've noticed one very distinct fact: Ryohei isn't with them. Just as I begin to wonder why this could be, Gokudera reaches my location and stops, allowing the others to go on ahead without him. Yamamoto glances first at me, then at Gokudera, who nods curtly, before the former leads the others around the corner and out of sight.

"What happened?" I ask in a frightened whisper.

_**Sometimes I feel like I was mistaken  
>You must be an angel<br>**__**Sit down and teach me what life is all about**_

Finally, he looks straight at me. There's a sad mixture of regret, worry, and fear in his green eyes. "The Tenth and the Ombra family's boss were arguing," he explains, his voice low and cracking every few syllables, as if it's costing him an immense effort to get the words out. "Things… got ugly. The Tenth got shot with a storm-attribute bullet. The flames inside it have been degrading his body from the inside. A big fight broke out, we couldn't make it back right away… I hope the damage isn't too bad…" He glances absently down the hall, toward where they'd taken Sawada.

"And…" I continue, realizing the situation is worse than I'd thought. "Where's Ryohei?"

A sharp intake of breath from the guardian in front of me tells me he'd been waiting for me to ask this question. He bites his lip and looks at me again, this time the regret clearer on his face than any other emotion. It isn't exactly helping to quell the growing fear inside me.

"The building was coming down," Gokudera finally says carefully, with the air of someone trying to explain away a mistake. "He got trapped… He told us to go without him. I… I listened because the Tenth was injured…" My eyes widen. "He said he'd find another way out, that he'd meet up with us… But he… didn't…"

"W-What are you saying?" I ask quietly. Part of me wants him to say it clearly, but part of me is vehemently against hearing what I now know must be coming.

Gokudera looks like he's bracing himself for an attack. "We waited. We looked for him for almost an hour, but he never…" He pauses a moment, and I take a step back. That was it. There's no other way to interpret what he's telling me. "I'm sorry…" he continues to break the silence. "I-I shouldn't have left him… It's my fault he's dea—"

"Don't!" I scream, cutting him off and deciding I don't want to hear it said after all. Without thinking, I ball my right hand into a fist and shove it as hard as I can into Gokudera's arm. He cringes but doesn't try to stop me. If anything, that makes me feel worse.

Then all at once my strength leaves me and I stumble forward. He catches me easily and allows me to lean into him as uncontrollable tears start to fall helplessly from my eyes. Ryohei is… gone. This time, he really isn't coming back. I hate letting people see me cry, even my own fiancé, but this time I can't stop it. Gokudera just stands there in silence, his arms around me, letting my tears come. I can almost feel his sadness, his regret. He really does feel personally responsible for my heartbreak, which isn't helping ease my mood at all.

"I'm so sorry," he says again, his voice shaking.

_**I see myself changing  
>No longer a stranger<br>You gave me a reason to never die**_

I let go of him and take a step back, shaking my head and forcing what tiny ghost of a smile I can muster. "It's not your fault," I insist in a weak whisper. He looks about to protest, but I shake my head. Instead I decide to try and change the subject. "So… is Sawada okay?"

He frowns and looks down. "…I don't know. I just wanted to… you know…" I know what he was referring to. He wanted to tell me the truth, seeing as he still feels that it's his responsibility. But beneath that, I can also see how worried he is for his best friend.

"Go on," I tell him. "Go see how he is. I need to be alone for a while." After a moment of hesitation, he offers me a weak smile in thanks, before turning and jogging down the hall toward the medical wing.

I make my way silently back out to the balcony outside my bedroom, ignoring the icy night wind that now bites at my face and fingertips in the absence of the warm sunlight. I feel strange. Dark and empty, even, like a light inside me has gone out, throwing into shadow all the good feelings I've felt since he proposed to me. This change, it was like standing in the middle of a brightly-lit room, when suddenly the power is cut from outside and the only door is locked, trapping you in a dense, suffocating darkness. The shock and confusion of sudden blindness is all you feel, not knowing where to go or what to do, wanting to find the switch to try and turn on the light but knowing that even if you did nothing would happen. Nothing can break through that complete darkness. It's terrifying. And as I stare down at the shadowy mass of land below me, this is how I feel after hearing that terrible, unbelievable news.

_**You are my only hope, but you're so far  
>And you are my only hope, so come back home<br>From where you are**_

My sun has set on a moonless night, and all I can do is search blindly for a dawn that will never come.

* * *

><p>Awwww, sad :( BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! Be on the lookout for the next in the series, Winter Moon :D haha<p>

Review for me while I work on posting the other three! haha :D

~oMM


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